Fortune cookie wisdom

I got a fortune cookie today. Usually their sayings are pretty trashy, like, "Eat more fortune cookies!" or "Your lucky numbers are 42, 39, and B7" or even "Surprise! Your girlfriend's a dude!" I was blessed to have a less moronic cookie grace my table, and later my mouth, and later yet my stomach, and still later, my toilet. It said, "He has has not tasted the bitter, does not understand the sweet." Do you realize how hard it is to write something humorous about a phrase like that?!?! I can't have a semi-casual blog that's all about making myself laugh while still pertaining to some moral fiber bullshit to make it seem like there's a purpose, and write about this with any sense of decency.

Anyway, difficulty of the task ahead aside, I decided to look at this in a rather new and twisted light, as per usual. I can say in all honesty that the cookie is right. Strange I know, to admit that a cookie has as much wisdom to give out as most of society as a whole, but I digress. Can anyone disprove this cookie's knowledge? I think not. Would life be very interesting without the ups and downs? I mean, if there were no downs (I'd be out of a roommate. Ha! Puns. I love em) life would just be a bunch of meaningless happy go lucky bullshit. We all want a perfect life damn near all the time, sado-masochists excluded, but what would happen if we were given it? I think we'd be so sickeningly happy and smug that most humans would just off themselves out of sheer boredom. I know I would. Hell, my life would be just boring as fuck if everything went my way. A little diversity goes a long way I think.

I think this relates in some way to a lecture/essay/I don't remember by C.S. Lewis called The Problem of Pain. I never read it, nor heard it, nor perceived it in any way, but I know sort of what it's about, and based on pure logic, that gives me every excuse to butcher it at a whole new level. Lewis of course was an outspoken Christian, and tried to explain God's reasoning behind pain. Seeing as how I've never taken in this media, I can't say he was spot on or way the fuck off, but somehow this fortune cookie relates. I can't recall why because I don't remember what it said. Ok, now I do, I scrolled up a bit. Anyway, pain in general is there to remind us of the good times we have, and more importantly that we're only human. Seems circular reasoning to say essentially what the cookie already told me in different words, but who gives a shit? Me? Nope. You? You're not even reading this! No one does!

I guess what I'm trying to get across is the mental picture. Imagine getting every single thing you asked for. Then imagine having it all taken away, and then some. In addition to being the stupid prick that no one likes because he has everything, you would be ill equipped to deal with such a heartbreaking loss. Something like that ends poorly because that person doesn't know how to deal with anything aside from the joys of life. The result of this is (hopefully) suicide (nobody liked him anyway). That about wraps it up. On to the summary paragraph!

Ok, so here goes. If you get everything you want, you're a fucking douche, cookies are smarter than you, I killed your dog, and pain is awesome. Did I get it right? No? Well, that's what I'm rolling with. I wouldn't take my advice if I were you.