Stumbleupon is the greatest tool man has ever known

Recently I've taken to using the stumbleupon app quite a bit. I have it configured to go to a lot of different random humor/science/math/religion/technology sites, and so far it hasn't disappointed, much like koala meat. Very tasty. This app has done wonders for expanding my already immense knowledge set by taking me to new topics I didn't even know I gave a shit about. I still don't, if you're wondering, but I now officially understand these topics better, and can make a more informed decision about why I don't give a shit about them.

Today in 3 stumbles, I hit 2 different anti-scientologist sites and read them through. See, this is a topic I already knew I hated and wanted to blow chunks on and around their personal belongings, but now I know why! It's a great tool for finding targets of personal vindicative violence and verbal abuse. That was almost unintentional alliteration. Had it come to pass, the world may have exploded and/or been molested by a giant Swedish Fish. You fuckers are lucky.

In addition to information, I've found a lot of cool shit I didn't know I wanted. You know the type of stuff I'm talking about. Like walking into some jackass shop with your imaginary girlfriend and seeing the most amazing novelty hat that you desperately need. You buy said hat and wear it once. You then defacate in it once while drunk, and toss it in the dumpster to be used as a home for a family of small Mexican imigrants. There's no explanation for this phenomena (the unexpected spending, not the unreasonably small Mexicans), other than sexual repression and poor fundamental mathematical skills; both of which were simply made up on the spot by other sexually repressed scientists.

I suppose that to sum it all up, this is possibly one of the neatest tools I've encountered in the recent past and future (I've been to it. It's fucking boring). I also can't help mentally using my "summing up" voice when I type these last paragraphs in my posts. I love the sound of my voice all the time, but I would sex up my "summation" voice like a 25 cent hooker. Really though. Right in the butt.